📼 RETRO RECAP: APRIL 2025
Dolls, Doppelgängers & Defrosted Doom
Hello again, Earthlings—
It’s Dale T. Doll, coming to you live (and lightly scorched) from the aftermath of a cursed dinner and an even more cursed month. April has been packed with strange sightings, retro horrors, and Barry’s increasing inability to resist garage sale nonsense. If you blinked, you might’ve missed a portal or two—so let’s rewind the tape.
🪆 This Month in Madness
📸 April 5 – Reel to Real: A Dale T. Doll Nightmare
Reality’s been warping ever since Barry brought home that mystery tape. Between tracking glitches and ghostly cameos, let’s just say this VHS had extra features nobody asked for.
🕰️ April 8 – Attack of the 50 Foot Woman: A Towering Tale of Betrayal
Dale digs into the towering rage of the atomic era’s most vengeful giantess, and questions why Barry keeps measuring the ceiling.
🐾 April 10 – The Feline Paradox: Ruminations on Not My Cat
He’s back. He’s mysterious. He might be a time traveler. Dale attempts to decode the feline enigma who refuses to be owned.
🌸 April 12 – Dale’s Ghibli Makeover for Svengoolie’s Monster Night
Barry forced an anime filter on Dale. Dale is still recovering. Expect glitter, antennae, and a traumatic amount of sparkle.
🩴 April 15 – It Came from Outer Space… and It Left Its Flip-Flops
An extraterrestrial encounter with suspiciously beachy vibes. Who knew aliens wore Crocs?
👁️ April 16 – Aliens, Doppelgängers, and the Guy at the DMV Who Was Definitely Not Blinking Normally
Dale blows the lid off a triple threat of paranoia: shapeshifters, space people, and civil servants with eldritch pupils.
📺 April 19 – It Came from Dale’s Living Room
A Svengoolie special involving static, nostalgia, and a TV that refuses to stay unplugged. The living room still smells like ozone and regret.
🐣 April 20 – Easter 2025: Dale's Eggstremely Haunted Holiday
Chocolate bunnies. Possessed peeps. Barry’s attempt at a “resurrected ham.” Spoiler: no one survived.
🖼️ April 22 – The Man in the Polaroids
An uninvited guest keeps showing up in old photographs… and now the mirrors. Dale is sleeping in the toolbox again.
🍽️ April 28 – Dinner and a Hex (New Classic!)
A cursed 1970s TV dinner nearly devours Barry, whispers in Latin, and causes the flytrap to speak in tongues. Dale is now on an all-salad diet.
🔮 Paranormal Plants, Feline Intrusions & Collector Sanctions
Not My Cat:
Confirmed reappearance. Unconfirmed motives. Currently hiding in the laundry basket muttering something about “the third moon.”Chompers the Flytrap:
Reached full sentience after the Turkey Supreme incident. Now enjoys Gregorian chant and the occasional moth.Barry’s Status:
Temporarily banned from garage sales. Under surveillance. One false move and I’m calling the Ghostbusters and the USDA.
📡 Coming in May...
🌀 Swamp Season Séance Teasers Begin!
Expect fog, folklore, and forgotten rituals from Florida’s weirder corners.
The new serial kicks off June 3 with Episode 1: The Board in the Mud.
Also ahead:
More VHS Vault reviews
A possibly possessed wind-up monkey
Dale’s first attempt at “horror cooking” (No real food. No real fire. Mostly chaos.)
Until next time…
Remember: If your microwave meal hums, levitates, or quotes scripture, it’s not dinner—it’s a demon. Call your doll.
— Dale T. Doll
📺🦃📸🌴
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