Review: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

by - July 16, 2012

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of fantasy fiction and I hate to give a bad review, but this version of Conan was almost as disappointing as Red Sonja (1985) and between you and me that's saying something. On a certain level, I wondered if this movie was intentionally made to be bad with the hope that it would be so bad it was good. The more that I think about it, I am certain that the creators of this film were not that clever.

Let me give you a brief taste of the movie: hack-hack-hack, chop-chop-chop, flying body parts (hands, heads, etc), boobies, strange costumes, bad acting, bad dialogue, more boobies, more hack-hack-hack, one-liner insulting the dead, etc.. While I have a sort of guilty pleasure with this sort of film, I came away disappointed with this version of Conan. I imagine that the film will do well with prepubescent boys, however most film fans will probably want something that resembles R.E. Howard's Conan. I guess Hollywood wanted to create a Conan movie for the non-Conan fan?

I think the biggest disappointment had to be Rose McGowan's Edward Scissorhands-like interpretation of her character. She may go down in history as the actress who killed the TV show Charmed and the Conan franchise. Maybe we should have her work on some of these paranormal shows on the SyFy channel --- those things need to go!



Director: Marcus Nispel
Writers: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer
Stars: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan

 I give it a disappointing 2 stars out of 5

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7 comments

  1. Give me the Arnold one any day of the week.

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  2. Looks rather miserable. Some things shouldn't be redone.

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    Replies
    1. Every generation reinvents their heroes but in this case it needed a new name.

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  3. Drat. I'm a sucker for one-liners insulting the dead. That's probably why I remember it being good.
    Found thanks to TomBadguy!
    http://www.thegeektwins.com

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  4. wait, you didn't like red sonja... i saw this for five bucks at video store and thought it might be worth buying it for five... they also had the new fright night... i passed on both.

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    1. I apologized to my date after watching Red Sonja. She was happy because she thought that I would never ask to see another Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. Foolish girl.

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