Review: Conan the Barbarian (2011)

by - July 16, 2012

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of fantasy fiction and I hate to give a bad review, but this version of Conan was almost as disappointing as Red Sonja (1985) and between you and me that's saying something. On a certain level, I wondered if this movie was intentionally made to be bad with the hope that it would be so bad it was good. The more that I think about it, I am certain that the creators of this film were not that clever.

Let me give you a brief taste of the movie: hack-hack-hack, chop-chop-chop, flying body parts (hands, heads, etc), boobies, strange costumes, bad acting, bad dialogue, more boobies, more hack-hack-hack, one-liner insulting the dead, etc.. While I have a sort of guilty pleasure with this sort of film, I came away disappointed with this version of Conan. I imagine that the film will do well with prepubescent boys, however most film fans will probably want something that resembles R.E. Howard's Conan. I guess Hollywood wanted to create a Conan movie for the non-Conan fan?

I think the biggest disappointment had to be Rose McGowan's Edward Scissorhands-like interpretation of her character. She may go down in history as the actress who killed the TV show Charmed and the Conan franchise. Maybe we should have her work on some of these paranormal shows on the SyFy channel --- those things need to go!

Director: Marcus Nispel
Writers: Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer
Stars: Jason Momoa, Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan

 I give it a disappointing 2 stars out of 5

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