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I decided to repost this from my Gnostalgia blog because this book is a perfect fit for Attention Earthlings!

My mail arrived while my family was here and Willy tore into my package like a school of piranha on a ham sandwich. I guess with Christmas music playing on the radio (isn’t it way too early for that?) he is in full snoop mode.

We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth (Dark)
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At any rate, I received a free review copy of “We Will Destroy Your Planet: An Alien’s Guide to Conquering the Earth” from the good folks at Osprey Publishing. I know what you are thinking — Osprey the military book people put this out? Yes, they started a series called “Dark Osprey” this summer with books on the Nazi Occult, The Knights Templar, and more. They also have a new series on Myths and Legends.

We Will Destroy Your Planet should land in bookstores in about a week. I’ve already read a big chunk of the book and loved the humor. I’ll try to have a review up by next week.

Book description:

Enjoy this pseudo-nonfiction, ‘how-to’ military handbook for aliens intending to conquer the Earth. Science fiction elements are satirized and then connected to real-world science, history, and military technique to show how it should be done.
It goes without saying that any military campaign must be planned in ways depending upon some basic factors: The logistics of where your enemy is in relation to your own forces, environmental factors, and, most importantly, ‘why’ you’re fighting this campaign. This book intends to take these basic factors, and apply them to the purpose of conquering the planet known to the natives as Earth.
There are, of course, many possible reasons for launching a military campaign against such a planet. The form of your campaign, and the formation of its strategic and tactical policies will very much depend on your reason. Obviously the campaign to destroy all sentient life on a planetary surface will be very different in character to a campaign to, say, bring the local population into the fold of your empire or federation – and, frankly, a lot simpler.
Once the reason for conquest, or destruction, has been determined, the book will take a step-by-step approach to the best way to annihilate humanities resistance and bring them to their knees.

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