Ah, the fine art of paranormal thrift shopping! Dale T. Doll has perfected the delicate balance between getting a steal and not getting cursed—so here’s his Guide to Bargaining with Haunted Objects:
1. Identify the Level of Curse
Before negotiating, determine the severity of the haunt:
Mildly Possessed (occasional flickering lights): Worth the risk!
Poltergeist-In-Training (floating furniture, cryptic whispers): Proceed with caution.
Full-Blown Eldritch Horror (ominous Latin chanting, void-like aura): RUN, DO NOT WALK.
2. Use Reverse Psychology on the Spirits
If the seller claims “This doll whispers at night,” act unimpressed—spirits thrive on attention.
Say something like: “Eh, I’ve seen better. The last cursed doll I owned could juggle knives.”
Watch as the price plummets due to spirit insecurity.
3. Inspect for Paranormal Perks
Not all hauntings are bad. Some may come with hidden benefits:
Haunted Typewriter? Could write your novel for you.
Possessed Mirror? Might show alternate dimensions (or give suspiciously good compliments).
Cursed VHS Tape? Ideal for Dale’s personal collection.
4. NEVER Accept a “Free Gift”
If the seller insists on “throwing in an extra item,” politely decline. Nothing good ever comes from a bonus ghost.
5. Always Ask for a Haunted Discount
Let’s be real—if the item whispers secrets or opens doors on its own, it should be priced accordingly.
Example: “This painting blinks at me? That’s AT LEAST 30% off.”
Remember, y'all, haunted shopping should be a bargain, NOT a burden!😆
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