Tape #3 — "Sweatin’ to the Spirits, Vol. 3" 📼 Posted by Dale T. Doll, May 20 Hello, cursed cardio enthusiasts— Today's h...
Tape #3 — "Sweatin’ to the Spirits, Vol. 3"
📼 Posted by Dale T. Doll, May 20
Hello, cursed cardio enthusiasts—
Today's haunted workout video is a real killer... literally. Welcome to Sweatin’ to the Spirits, Vol. 3, the ghostly exercise tape that will get your heart pumping for all the wrong reasons.
🕯️ Backstory:
I stumbled upon this VHS while scrounging through the “self-help” section at a flea market in Tallahassee. The cover features a blonde aerobics instructor in neon legwarmers, grinning like she’s about to lead you into the afterlife. The title just screamed classic, so I picked it up for a deep dive into retro fitness history.
It’s… not what I expected.
👻 The Tape:
It starts innocently enough—just some incredibly peppy jazzercise set to upbeat synth music. Our instructor, "Chopper," is all smiles and high knees, promising to get you in shape for the afterlife. At first, it's just a typical 80s workout video with far too many squats and jazz hands.
But then?
Something changes.
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The floor becomes slick with an oily, almost vaporous mist.
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The lights flicker. The sound cuts in and out.
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And every time Chopper says, “Push it! Now sweat it out!” the room fills with cold spots, and I swear—I saw something move in the mirror behind her.
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Chopper, though? Still smiling, still sweating. The same smile that makes Barry now refuse to work out around here.
Here’s the thing:
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Watching this tape makes other people work out with you.
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Barry? He’s been on a strict “no cardio” policy ever since I accidentally summoned a rowdy specter in his living room last Tuesday. (Can’t say I didn’t warn him about the consequences of skipping leg day.)
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Meanwhile, Not My Cat seems to be all about it, too. She’s now doing her own version of jazzercise—every time I go to check on her, she's stretching in the corner, looking way too pleased with herself.
📼 Physical Details:
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Smell: sweat, mixed with the faint scent of lilacs and burnt toast
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Mold Rating: Heavy (the tape feels damp to the touch)
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Extra: The instruction manual is signed by someone named “Chopper,” but the ink is… running. Not a good sign.
🎬 Dale’s Survival Tip:
If your exercise tape asks you to “sweat it out,” don’t. Because when you sweat out a ghost, you might just become the ghost.
🔪 Next up (May 24):
Tape #4 — "The Abduction Reel"
Stay haunted,
—Dale
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